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Wednesday, January 2

Today I began my first day of work. As much as I have experience handling kids, I still felt like a greenhorn in an unfamiliar environment. I guess being a teacher and being an assistant is really different. Not knowing the names of the children, not knowing how they're like, not knowing how things operate... Hopefully I will learn in time to come.

Then again, above all these, I still think that this is going to be an enriching experience because even on the first day, I've already made a few observations about them.:)

In the little innocent worlds of children, every harmless comment fired at them is considered nasty. Yet on the other hand, it's precisely because children have no sense of limit that when they pick on their victims, they leave you no room to breathe.

The stereotypical class bully or bullies exist in every class. They may call their victims names and isolate them, but sometimes, they may do it because of their jealousy. They just can't stand the other kid getting more attention from the teachers due to his cute and loveable ways. And at times when they call him 'Act Cool Boy', they have no idea that from the eyes of a third party, the ones who are really acting cool are those who play tough and refuse to mix with those they deem as 'girly' or overly affectionate.

Yet, even the most rebellious bully has a soft spot. All children crave for attention some way or another. It's the only way they feel secure and loved.

They play with you and force you to play with them. They set rules just so that they can benefit from it. And as much as these seem like bad behaviour but as compared to those who secretly scheme and plot, the outright requests from these children are nothing more than adorable acts.

The children I'm working with are bashful and shy, they go wild and blush at the mere mention of BGR or any suggestion of boy girl intimacies(like dancing together). SEX is like some ultimate universal vulgarity that cannot be even whispered.

Girls love it when you dance, guys don't give a damn or they don't believe that you can. Typical. Haha.

Alrights, more updates when I pick up more stuff from these little angels.:)



.i.WaNt.tO.fLy.wHeN.i.DaNcE. |10:51:00 PM|

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Tuesday, January 1

It's been some time since I last posted an entry but although I haven't been blogging, that doesn't mean that I've nothing to reflect or think about. So much has happened within this period of time, I'm almost convinced that this is the point in my life where I have changed the most. Not just from thin to a thinner frame(as commented by a lot of people and so I must make it clear that I'm eating well and all these weight loss must be due to job-hunting stress or sickness) but more so from a teenager(who thought that she was already an adult) to a real adult. It's not an age issue. It's a matter of realising that your needs can no longer be reconciled with your desires and every little thing that seemed simple, has complicated itself on ten different levels. It's when you acquire a new-found practicality that displaces the belief in witnessing genuine goodness and honourable altruism in the world.

The time we have spent apart only served to magnify the disparity between us -- how I have changed and you haven't. And now, I look at you with an almost unworthy sense of enviousness. You are too lovely for the ugly world outside and it seems like I've turned too hideous to remain in your world.

You have no idea and you are in no position to judge. For my world can only be seen through my eyes and your perception only shows how much you don't understand other people.

You are so freaking cruel. Because everytime I want to strike back, you always manage to turn my heart into the battle site instead. It's a turmoil having to protect the person you want to bring down. In the end, you will just end up stabbing yourself, like a lunatic who can't grapple with her identity and principles.

As the crowd go wild and time passes till a point where you have overcome the habit of writing 2007 to internalise the process of scribbling 2008, the excitement fades and everything repeats itself again. Circles never end, except for the fact that in each successive round, we will never see each other again.

It feels weird to know that I'm now standing in the year 2008 and that just a year ago, I was thinking of how far away this present day is from then.

Reincarnations and karma. When the circle turns and you find a new point amongst infinity, hopefully we all stand a chance to renew and refresh our lives once again, as though the beginning had just begun.

That's what I need to believe to find the courage to move on from here and from then.

2008 Resolutions:
-Stand tall (figuratively)
-Stop growing (literally and figuratively)
-Sight to see further
-Settle with the changes I cannot change



.i.WaNt.tO.fLy.wHeN.i.DaNcE. |12:00:00 AM|

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