till the end of time, the wind blows.

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Saturday, April 22

The blue illuminating light shines faintly in the dark backstage as the glittery eager eyes flurry with excitement. Everyone looked so beautiful. And this beauty did not come only from the looks but also from the will that kept us together and pushed us through the hard days that led up till today.

The strong beams of light hit out of the booms, casting elongated shadows on the backstage walls and the absorbed faces of those waiting behind. The smoke came sailing out engulfing the dancers onstage.

The music echoed to the beating of our hearts. As our movements unfold onstage, each and every time that we did our dances replayed like a flimstrip in my head. Each time more defined, more certain to where we're heading. And when we stepped on that very stage for the last time together, we all know how very near we stood to our goal...and to the end.

It wasn't desperation. It wasn't a need. But it was pure desire from everyone to make this enjoyable for ourselves and for our audience.

I like the the feeling of sitting in the theatre, not knowing who would come out from the wings, not knowing how things would turn out, not knowing what emotions would be evoked after the performance. What's so good about staying back after school to dance the same dance, same part and listen to the same music over and over again day after day and returning home too exhausted to do anything else? The many sacrifices we all made and the hidden tears behind the curtains of our faces... But guess what? It's because I love the feeling of being driven as a group, in the comfort of each and every one of your presence that I can surely say that I'll never trade this place onstage for that in the audience.

I remember the first time Youxin and I went for practice and how scared we felt to be stepping into a strange new environment. But over this short period of time, we've grown to be accustomed to this place and its people so much so that we can feel that attachment and bond.

I'll miss the little jokes we cracked during practice and the many laughs we shared. I'll miss our several gossip sessions before, during and after practices. I'll miss walking out of the school and sneaking peeks at the dark dark sky of NJC to see the sparkling stars at night. I'll miss the various venues where we practiced together, leaving behind traces of our memories and bits of our captured emotions. And most of all, I'll miss the people.

Thanks Wanzhen, for being the first person to take us in with open arms. For all the encouragement and hugs that gave me a little more courage to face this tiring period of time. C:

Thanks Jojo -- my Jurong partner, always selflessly and quietly helping to smoothen the edges. I'll never forget you for giving me your pair of fake eyelash and saying that "I won't need it anymore. This is my last performance." It made me very very sad. I don't know how to put it, but that incident left a very deep impression on me. C:

Thanks Jas, for holding my hand from time to time, telling me small things about you, about dance and about everybody else that brought me closer and closer to you all everyday. For making me feel so loved and fortunate to be in this place.

Thanks Yun, for being the one to lead Youxin and I to the hall during our first practice. For being the first to say hello and bye. For all the messages of concern and encouragement assuring me during all the difficult times. It's always nice to feel happy and you've made me so during this period of time. C:

Thanks Sara and Peckying -- my platform partners. Always remember our horse and orange and being so lovely people to dance with. Standing on the platform, we've had many moments when we felt scared to fall off. But for me, I felt safer with you two around. C:

Thanks Xiuyi for the being such a strong Pres and for all the things you've readily done for us. Without you, we'll never reach where we are today. C:

Thanks Pris for being my other Hanxiang buddy. I'll always remember your friendliness and your seriousness when it comes to dance. Oh and not forgetting your thick thick history notes! C:

Thanks Shun, for simply being as cute as you are and all the more for endless contribution that taught me how one can make an effort simply in hope of making the big picture more beautiful without a need for recognition. And thanks for helping me find my hanxiang costume! C:

Thanks Nat for giving me a smile whenever we see each other to brighten up the tiring times. Ahhhh and the chocolates you shared with us, and not forgetting the irresistable cookie page. Continue being the sweet girl that you are. C:

Thanks guys! Although I don't talk to you all much and I don't even know what you all are like outside dance but at least I know that you are serious about what you all doing, out of love for dance and for the people you dance with and dance for. And that's what makes dancing with each other so memorable. C:

Thanks everyone for letting me know that there are always people around me worth learning from, worth dancing with and worth living for.

才刚刚开始的旅程，怎么这样就结束了？大家的心里都写着千万个不舍得...

Like the flowers we received from yesterday, it will slowly dry up and lose its vibrant colours. But that doesn't make it any less beautiful because as long as we continue keeping it, it'll take on another significance, seasoning our happy times together and we'll always have it with us -- memories of how it was like and how we were when we were dancing as one...

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(I thought I'll continue my thank you list 'cause my bro wanted to use the comp just now. C:)

Thanks Youxin, for ALWAYS being around 200% of the time and cheering me up with all that you've said to me, be it for ballet exam or Aristal. I love you so much for who you are and what you do best -- making people happy. It always makes me feel much much more grateful knowing that I have you around. C:

Thanks Wifie, for being the "mama" character in my life and taking care of me and everyone else. I love you, your big bright pretty smile and I promise I will continue helping you with your bun! I don't ever want to know the feeling of dancing without you. C:

Thanks Yuanyuan for being one of the ny-nj dancer, for all the memories over the past 2 years. I love the way you delievered the synopsis for 小品! C:

Thanks Huaiying and Regina, for being there during class time and during dance. For being one of the first few to talk to me and telling me all the things back in RVdance so that I won't feel so lost. For sharing the gossips and updates and for letting me in on all the things that matter to you two. C:

Thanks Jian fen -- my tallie buddy, for being the one beside me during most of the dances. For taking care of everyone and making me feel so at home. Thanks for all the things that I could ever learn from you. C:

Thanks Debbie, for all the tags you've left me, for all the times you've told to press on and for always being sensitve and understanding. Yes, you're the pretty girl everyone can't resist smiling to. C:

Thanks Yirong, for being the one to hype things up and teaching me all the steps and little things that will make the dance better. Thanks for the encouragement and help for ballet too! C:

Thanks Jingying for being the silent worker and making the dance more complete with your presence. C:

Thanks Yuanjie, Jun Hong and Jee Poh for being the MANpower of our batch! Hoho rock on because we will be counting a lot on you guys! C:

Thanks to everyone who helped me changed between items and all the encouragement over these days. C:

Thanks to those who came to render their support for this event. Without an audience, we would have no one to appreciate our work and no one to dance for. C:

Thanks to the PA and helpers who worked tirelessly backstage to make all things onstage work smoothly. C:

Thanks to 苏老师 and 王老师 for taking us in and giving us a chance to be part of this production and part of the group. Thanks for guiding us along the way and most importantly, thank you so much simply for giving us the chance to dance onstage again. C:

And ths list goes on...I'm sorry if I don't get to thank you here but as long as you've lend a hand in making this whole experience possible, I'm really grateful to you. C:

.i.WaNt.tO.fLy.wHeN.i.DaNcE. |1:52:00 AM|

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Friday, April 21

Sometimes the simplest things can make the deepest impression. When I turned my back against you, it was with a tear-streaked face that I pushed open the door and leave you behind. We can't always have what we desire, but I really can't bear for it all to end. It isn't about completing grades exam, it's about our hearts not beating together as one anymore. It is truly saddening; depressing; heart-wrenching...

The sight of the stage arrested me and pumped the adrenaline. Tomorrow, everything comes to an end...

.i.WaNt.tO.fLy.wHeN.i.DaNcE. |12:29:00 AM|

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Monday, April 17

20th April: Ballet Exam
21st April: Aristal

A FEW MORE DAYS.

I HAVE TO PRESS ON.

All the practices and lessons are getting exhausting. It's draining me every single day. The feeling of breathlessness pursues me like a hungry predator chasing its prey. I'm just a little distance away from my finishing line. Yes, I'm approaching it soon.

JACQ! YOU MUST PERSEVERE!~

It's funny, but even though I'm anticipating the end of these two major events, I can't help thinking how dejected I'll be once it's all over.

Grade 8 exam -- the very last time we'll be going in as a group. While hugging the PURPLE and TURQOISE girls today, I felt so proud of them. I've been there with them and saw their improvement and how much they've grown over the years. It's more than just dance, and it extends out of the studio. They're like my babies!C: As for the RED girls, I just want to say I love you people. A stimulant, red is the hottest of the warm colours with the symbolism of power and strength, passionate love to violence and warfare. That's what I found out and that's how influential and enthusiastic OUR colour is. We are going to go in there, enjoy ourselves and set the floor on fire! Let's make this last time...memorable. So that we can all capture a beautiful image in celebration of prevailing friendship and never-say-die spirit...

Practices everyday in preparation for this concert. Tiring indeed, but at least, I know that everyday when I go to school, I have a purpose. I have something that I need and must and will do. Furthermore, I've found a new group of dancemates. C: Every environment provides you with a unique experience. I love NYdance and there's no doubt about that. Everything I have, I found it at nanyang. And today, I'm proud to say that I've discovered another place for me relight this passion. The optimism and closeness of the group...touches me. It's really precious to be able to dance with a group people whom you feel you can belong to; to work like shit for a common goal together and ultimately celebrate every little success on the way before tasting the sweet triumph at the end. Yes, and I've learnt to treasure the moments.

Ahhh, Jacq and her contradictions. Can't wait for it to be over, yet can't bear to see the curtain fall.

How will it all end?

.i.WaNt.tO.fLy.wHeN.i.DaNcE. |11:37:00 PM|

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