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.term.1.week.4.'04

Thursday, March 16

Wow it must have been a century since I last blogged. Yes, Jac's lagging in updates again. Wells then, so many things have happened since the last entry! I shall just record some random thoughts and happenings in this entry. C:

Time is passing so fast, I feel like Im falling behind in another dynasty. I just can't believe that we've reached the end of term 1 and this is the much anticipated March holidays. Then again, I don't even think this actually feels like the holidays. Ahhhh, my dear precious rest time all snatched away from me! Besides scuttling from place to place, organizing, planning, dancing,... It's hard to tell what and when is my next activity. New plans keep popping out of nowhere and I'm so sorry I have to cancel a few meetings right at the last minute.

I think my mood is fluactuating again. Omg, this sucks. Temperamental sentiments. Unexplainable emotions.

I love having gatherings but I absolutely hate the aftermath. It's like one moment you're all back together, laughing like you have nothing to worry about and chatting like you'll never run out of topics. But the next thing you know, you're bidding reluctant goodbyes, left only with memories of how it had been. I miss the times, the days, the people. It's this yearning desire to have your companionship. Longing, waiting, without an end and yet utterly unattainable.

And other times, when you see this group of besties, who have grown up together and been through thick and thin but still standing strong, you can't help but feel this pang of envy. How you wish you could have been there, could have a place where you belong in this group. It's exhausting trying to fit in, trying to adapt but knowing that in the end, it all comes down to nothing. Nothing at all. No matter how hard you try, it doesn't change a bit because you simply didn't have the fate to be there when they forged this special bond.

Fate plays you round and about its fingertips. And you don't even know it.

Moving on... It isn't the first time that people's first impression of me is simply fierce and cold. In other words, they think that I'm the you-better-stay-far-away-from-me-because-I-take-no-crap girl. Let me reassure you, I'M NOT. I can't help it if I have that kind of unfriendly look when I don't smile and I can't be smiling whole day long either. And most of the time, when I don't greet people or don't talk that much, there is only one straight forward reason to it -- I'm shy. So next time when this situation arises, PLEASE take the initiative. C:

BBQ-cum-stayover at Youxin's house was way heavenly. I shall not describe her house as she does read my blog and will absolutely take my head to act as a warning to others NOT to go around publicizing. Haha. Whatever it is, I'm loving my 4ten babes! C:

Wow, this entry is terribly incoherent. But never mind, it pretty much resembles my life now. C:

.i.WaNt.tO.fLy.wHeN.i.DaNcE. |11:20:00 PM|

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