I remember back in primary school days, Mr Ben Ang (if I didn't get his name wrong), arranged for us to sit beside each other in class. I didn't expect that I'll be this grateful to him for such a simple innocent act. He probably doesn't know what a big difference it made to my life. You were sitting on my left. And every time when something funny happens in class, we'll burst out laughing and bend towards the side of our seats so that our head sticks out on the two aisle.
I remember that incident when we modified Yuhua's school song into a pop version, accompanied with spastic dance steps, making 6A people roar with laughter.
I remember the times when we quarrelled over the silliest things like partnering who to attend Yuhua's sports day. Forgive me for my absolutely childish ways.
I remember the time when you guided me to the dance practice room and told the teacher I was interested to join Chinese Dance. Look at where you've taken me now.
I remember that time in SparkC, when you were climbing the rock wall. So many people cheered you on, but you just couldn't reach the top. I came, and asked you to persevere, told you to believe in yourself. In the end, you did it.
I remember the lovely flowers you gave me for dance night. And that delicate little card, which now lies safely in the comfort of my drawer. You said, "tinking of how u've come this far wld easily bring tears 2 my eyes... esp seeing u dance onstage... & I'm sure todae marked e start of ur dancing career... I wldn't have missed tonite 4 e world... :) " word for word.
I remember in Secondary Two, when Danqing and I got news of us being chosen to enter the prestigious SYF Opening Ceremony, you told me, many scenes flashed across at that moment. You saw how we went through all the trainings and fulfilled our dreams. You nearly cried out of happiness for us.
I remember our KAP days with Suet and A.tee.
I remember our dance project work with Angie and Peixuan.
I remember you always being in the audience seat whenever I dance. The very thought of that gave me the strength and courage to dance for those many many people out there.
I remember you and I.
Yesterday hit me pretty hard. You've been telling me that you'll leave one day since we were in primary school. Time and again, your departure was postphoned. I had grown accustomed to the idea that you'll stay here with all of us all the way. I became used to the idea of having you nearby all the time. And when you confirmed that you were leaving, I just didn't know how to react. I knew about this way earlier than most other people, seeing your emotional fruastrations and helplessness.
我很心痛。
When you began to tell others about this, the both of us had to go around comforting and consoling those people. WHAT ABOUT US?
Now that you all are gone, there are people grieving. I hear them cry, I see them sobbing and I badly want to break down too. I need to cry. I really do. My heart is sinking. Rock bottom. It is so freaking heavy. And yet, it feels... hollow. I need to scream. I need to yell. There's so much things contained inside me and I don't know how to release this sorrow. But if everyone is crying, there's got to be someone to be strong for everyone. And so, while everyone is crying. I hide my tears and put on a brave front. I can do it.
But I'm feeling rather powerless now, weak. Never before did I feel this empty before.